What is it? That indefinable connective mucilage which dominates the power dynamic and the structure of life. How did it come to be that we intrinsically harmonize with specific people over others?
And what determines the chemistry? Is it predestined? Are there thousands just waiting out there right now who might be a perfect fit or is it completely determinate upon the location and circumstances.
I met a girl at the bar the other day where I work. She came in quietly and sat down on the single remaining stool toward the center. It was so busy when she first walked in that I didn’t have much opportunity to speak or interact with exception to serving her drink. A Buffalo Trace old fashioned.
She seemed distracted and I could see from her body language that she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. But I couldn’t dig any deeper.
Finally, a couple hours later the bar slows down. She is still there, sipping quietly on her second cocktail and occasionally glancing angrily at her phone. I ask her if she is alright. She just nods but can’t quite bring herself to verbalize an affirmation.
I love being a nosy bartender so I ask her if she wants to talk about it. To my surprise, she nods. i notice her eyes seem to light up as I look into them, but I take this for a side effect of the whiskey rather than anything I said.
Jilted and hurried, she tells her story. That very day, she had flown in from Florida early, excited to be home from a work trip.
Like a movie, she walked in and discovered another woman in the house that she shares with her boyfriend. Not just in her house, but in her room. Naked of course. Her dog sat in the corner wagging its tail, happy for the return of its real owner.
All she could do was sprint out of the room; she was speechless. She called her friend who invited her to come stay for a while she figured things out.
Her boyfriend of almost six years apparently had been doing this for a few months as she discovered when she called him later and immediately broke things off with him. All this had happened about two hours before she walked in to the bar.
She had decided she needed to go for a drive to clear her head. That drive led to a walk and that walk led her to seeing one single barstool left at my bar and that barstool led her to a drink. Incredible circumstances.
I can’t say she arrived any later than 6:30. After hearing her story, I gave her a free drink on the house because I felt like that was the polite thing to do. I wasn’t imagining things though, her eyes lit up whenever we spoke. We spoke for a long time that night. I learned all about her as a person and we were drawn to each other.
It got to the point where other bar guests asked if we were dating because the chemistry was so visible. I had to tell them I just met her an hour ago.
The night passed, I still had work to do and drinks to make but she remained sitting in that chair. The restaurant closed at 11, still she was there. I mopped and swept and soon there were no other employees left besides the manager. She stayed. She kept me company all the while. The tension was soon unbearable, so we went for a drink after I had finished closing down the bar.
Heading to one of the few late night spots in town, we stopped in and found two cozy seats by the bar. We were all over each other.
But. It wasn’t a usual casual encounter. Those felt different than this. I knew she was hurting and in pain; realistically I knew I wouldn’t likely see her again. She sat on the precipice of a long and hard journey of healing and regaining trust. Tonight was just the eye of the storm, the calm before the hardest waves steadily would begin to buffet the levees of her self-confidence.
All the same, I wasn’t willing to back down yet. We were all over each other and each touch was calming and reassuring— not simply sexual. It was unlike anything I had felt in a long while. Toward the end of the night, her phone began ringing constantly; her friends worried about her, her ex calling to explain his actions.
I knew it was time to go. We shared a kiss goodbye and then she started toward her Uber. My heart ached. It would be a long time, if ever, before I saw her again. My heart doesn’t typically ache for complete strangers but there it was. So it goes.
I write all this not in a braggadocios manner or for self-congratulatory means. I simply want to use it as an example of undeniable chemistry.
And to add the question of why.
Why was I pulled to her knowing full well the outcome of the situation. I had no more choice in my decision than a calf born and soon led to slaughter.
The second our eyes met it was as though lives previous were unlocked and retrieved. I immediately knew her intimately despite never speaking with her before. It was a bond, it was chemistry.
These moment never fail to disorient me. How many others are there like her out there? Did fate cause her to stumble into my bar just to give me the “right person, wrong time” speech?
Is it a scientific phenomenon? Are pheromones to be blamed for this? Or is it psycho-spritual? Is there something deep within from a larger power pushing the right puzzle pieces together?
In this case, it can also almost become a question of monogamy. If so many in this world exist that might reciprocate an otherworldly, ethereal passion, who are we to limit ourselves to one person? Or maybe monogamy is the entire point– the right passion reconciling with the right circumstances.
At the end of the day, there is passion and there is chemistry and I don’t believe the two are necessarily intertwined. Passion can be derivative of negative sources and destructive tendencies while chemistry is the tenuous bond which yokes mind, body and soul into one being.
This isn’t stated to answer questions. I only begin to question why some people can feel so right while others can feel like complete strangers despite all other circumstances remaining the same.
I am curious how others are able to feel that true connection and still watch them walk out of their lives forever. Because I know it sure takes a toll on me.
The one, solid takeaway I have from this experience is that everyone has someone out there for them.
I believe placing oneself in positions where they are able to meet new people and try new things will increase the opportunities to happen upon another chemistry-driven encounter. Whatever it may be that creates the concept of chemistry, it will likely remain an enigma for an eternity.
Maybe it isn’t for us to define, but rather acquiesce. Enjoy the true, indefatigable moments whenever they should arrive.
A long time ago, this used to be a music blog. I don’t know how many of you were around for that, if any, but I wanted to return to my roots for a minute and gush over a few indie artists that I feel like should more recognized than they are.
Most of my adult life has been spent looking for the next artist, the next song, the next album.
I always hear people saying “music just isn’t the same these days”, “they just don’t make music like they used to”, “all music sounds the same now” and it is a bit grating. These blanket statements are simply untrue and I believe it is more a reflection of one’s inability to step outside their comfort zone more than it is an examination of the zeitgeist of musical culture. Rather than take a bit of time and dive deeper than just the current pop charts, people would rather write it all off as white noise lacking passion or sentiment.
Music has always been the most idiosyncratic manifestation of change in America. In the Roarin’ 20s, big bands dominated the scene with loud, boisterous ornate harmonies and bustling, fiery brass solos. America was quickly industrializing and thriving following the end of WWI and it only made sense that the music should be just as glamorous, ritzy and ostentatious as the rest of us. The Great Gatsby is the premier example of this period.
In the 60s, of course Vietnam and the hippy movement provided a stage for anti-war musicians. Sparse, pared-down instrumentals and a darker, more intense rock-n-roll would emerge eventually. Where Beach Boys and The Beatles were essential to the prosperous and quieter 50s and early 60s, Bob Dylan, John Lennon and countless others began using folk songs to express their outrage of our presence in Vietnam.
The peaceful ideas put forth in these songs soon gave way to anger and bands like Black Sabbath, Buffalo Springfield, CCR and others wrote fiery, blistering songs condemning the war and pushing the boundary of music further than it had ever been pushed.
80s was a land of future with the progression of technology leading to synths and electronic drum kits comprising the majority of pop music songs. The Smiths, Tears for Fears and Simple Minds were incredibly influential on the general direction of music toward the late 80s.
Hair metal bands also grew in popularity before leading to the decline of rock as popular music. 90s were a revolt toward the norm both on Wall Street and in music. While Enron seemed to revolutionize modern finance, Nirvana was popularizing the revolution of rock carried on from the direction of the New York Dolls and Sex Pistols.
From the turmoil of the digital age in the early 2000s where everyone was making club hits to the transition to rap as the dominating genre in the 2010s, we arrive at the present day.
Never before has it ever been so easy for songwriters and artists to gain exposure; the streaming era has allowed any home-musician with a microphone and GarageBand to throw their hat in the ring. TikTok and its algorithm frequently boost small, indie artists into stardom if they are lucky enough.
Because literally anyone has the potential to get famous, many take this to mean they are not talented and rely on a catchy hook and a boost from Spotify’s algorithm. I disagree. There has always been bad music throughout its history; it was just more limited due to the resources needed to record and sell it. We have more access to the world’s discography for better or worse.
Music now is a representation of those who write it. We are in an isolated, introspective era as cell-phones and social media have destroyed and diminished the sense of community that we once possessed.
All around the world, young people are drinking less, smoking less, having sex less, going out less, spending less and relying more on the comfort of their daily routine rather than a sense of camaraderie. As such, listen to what is popular in music: it has become quiet and intimate. Folk music once again is rising in popularity as we desire only to listen to something calming and not panic-inducing.
EDM and electronic music now becomes a tool for studying just as easily as clubbing. Rap has slowly tapered off and given way to more acoustic instrumentals with Taylor Swift leading the charge.
That isn’t to say other music doesn’t still exist. I also believe we are seeing a resurgence in rock that hasn’t been seen since the peak of grunge. Whenever a genre dies, it reincarnates as something different.
My favorite current artists vary greatly in their style and genre and it’s truly exciting to see how music can still be reinvented after 140+ years of modern history.
Some push boundaries, some invent their own. Music will always remain the beacon of change in this world and if you listen closely, you’ll learn more about the current state of mind than any news station could ever tell you.
That said, here are 7 indie artists that I greatly enjoy and that you should listen to if you want to be reassured of the current state of music.
I saw Ryan Montbleau live in 2019 in Gainesville at a concert at which I was volunteering. I had no prior knowledge of him, didn’t know what kind of music it would be and overall had very low expectations. What I heard that night hooked me more immediately than any artist or song I’ve ever heard before.
The mix of introspective lyrics, flashy, ecstatic guitar licks and engagement with the crowd made it genuinely fun to listen to him. His soulful vocal melodies paired only with the acoustic guitar on his shoulder and an intimate, visceral show was the product. I sat in the back and looked him up on Spotify and found he had very few listeners. It seemed unbelievable; this was, to me, the stunning epitome of singer-songwriter and I felt he deserved more credit.
I especially recommend listening to his live albums, specificallyStages Volume IIIto get a sense of what I mean by crowd engagement. In today’s world of short attention spans and desire for flashy, engaging content, it is hard to sit and watch a single person on stage for an entire hour. He recognizes this and allows the audience to become part of the show, frequently talking to them mid-song or encouraging them to create their only solos while he plays guitar. He executes this flawlessly.
Playing with a band or solo, it doesn’t matter— his playful, soprano voice rings out distinctly and feels like a warm presence. It feels like a hug from an old friend. Even if you don’t appreciate singer-songwriters, I still advise you to give him a chance.
A friend in Texas introduced Ruby to me for the first time and thought I was listening to a deep cut from Amy Winehouse with her alluring, raspy falsetto.
Sultry, slinking guitars duet with a thick, heavy bass and create sensual melodies that resonate and keep you coming back for more. Listening to her lyrics feels like I’m reading downright smut sometimes but never feels cheesy or clunky; they play perfectly with the backing track and leave no question about how she feels. Ruby has some of the sexiest songs I’ve heard in my life.
This glam-punk rock combination may not necessarily push the boundaries of rock but it reimagines it in a fun, unique way. With subject matter ranging from alcoholism and self-destruction to lust and Wet T-shirts, one is sure to hear an explicit diary entry of Ruby’s true thoughts and desires and feels refreshing to hear her unique spin on classic musical tropes.
About two years ago, I heard the song wildflowers and had it absolutely stuck in my head for months. The staccato, Reggae guitar riff paired with occasional steel drums, playful bass line and catchy lyrics gave this song so much heart and soul. It was interesting and moving, and more than that, it was fun to listen to. This white boy was doing something different but I didn’t dive too much further at the time.
Last summer, his album timbuktu released and Spotify recommended it to me and I finally took the bait and listened. With only 7 songs, he said more than most have the chance to do in an entire lifetime. It was on immediate rotation in my house; I couldn’t get enough.
From the quiet, humble guitar plucks on wilmington to a line-dance train beat number on fine china and ending with a quiet, solo acoustic set on like I do, Ethan’s voice rings out from the muted instrumentals and carries the tune with emphasis and sweetness.
His voice is never overbearing or aggressive, it projects in a humble, confidential manner that is threadbare but extremely alluring. The lyrics often resemble poetry and the carefully selected prose manages to find a home with the twangy banjo that often reverberates in the background of the mix. He is a must-listen for folk or indie listeners and is one of my favorite artists of the 2020s so far.
I can’t put my finger on the exact reason I enjoy Bleach so much.
Billed as an alternative rock band from St. Louis, their vocal and sonic range purports more than just such a simple label. It is doubly impressive considering they are just a power trio yet produce such rich harmonies and intense, fiery punk melodies. It is a combination of ZZ Top and Nirvana. Each song borders a fine line between punk, indie and garage rock yet manages to carve out a very specific niche in itself that is fresh and original.
The thick, heavy guitar, chunky baselines and crowded drums make Bleach feel a White Stripes reincarnation but they rely less on solos and more on desperate, crooning vocal lines to carry the groundwork of their emotion. It’s incredibly soulful while remaining smooth, rugged and well-produced. A sensual, raw sound is the final product.
No matter the song you choose to listen to, you’re guaranteed to have fun listening. Artists like this help keep the spark alive for rock-n-roll as a genre. They are accessible and catchy while remaining bold and rugged.
They haven’t released a new single in four years and it’s nearly impossible to find them on social media, I can only hope that one day they will return and continue to blaze a trail.
Essential Listening:Pull a Little Closer, The Ah song
Personal Favorites: One Second Away, Who Do You Want to Blame
I could only describe them as The Clash mixed with The Strokes with a little bit of Sum-41 mixed in.
With spacious mixes and tinny, high-pitched guitars, punk makes a return but with a more refined twist. The production feels cleaner and more refined, the vocals are seductive, focused and smooth. Some of the riffs, as on songs like Adoringly Drunk, dip into post-punk and alternative rock with the energetic fast pace and chunky power chords. Blistering guitar solos are a mainstay in their music.
But that isn’t what makes the Criticals so good; it is quite obvious they actually have fun making music. The dynamic between the band is flawless, the instruments fuse perfectly, the timing is impeccable and enough space is created for the vocal melodies to become playful and flirtatious. With each new single and EP, they break new ground and find the freedom to expand their sound past the typical boundaries in which most alternative and post-punk rock bands find themselves cornered.
The Criticals have a high chance of reaching stardom if they continue as any fan of rock will find something for themselves in their diverse catalogue.
His debut album A Lesser Light to Rule the Night stands as one of the most impressive debut LPs of any artist. It was ambitious, vulnerable, extremely well-produced and, more than anything, engaging.
Bless You, the album’s premier track, begins with quiet, plucked guitar strings and quickly evolves into a luscious, grandiose string accompaniment– crescendoing into an opulent chorus before dwindling back to the guitar plucks. A low, quiet organ is the connective tissue transitioning between songs and the track list is overall cohesive and balanced.
Dirty Laundry is the noticeable highlight on the album with twinkling piano keys in the background, a pulsating bass line and eerie synths; all of which provide layers and depth that are incredibly foresighted and unique.
It feels as if the Villagers went electric; the sounds and vocals are typically more mellow and subdued but defy any specific genre. The production remains the highlight of Ruby’s music for me and feels like more emotional and vulnerable pop music.
His range remains unmatched, with introspective piano ballads and intense, booming punk-rock finding asylum on an EP just as easily as the other. His lyrics are slanted and poetic which only serves to boost his image as a unique, compelling songwriter. His new album will release September 5, 2025 and I look forward to it with great anticipation. The progression from each album has been astonishing and larger in scope each time.
Essential Listening: Dirty Laundry, Only One
Personal Favorites:Supernova, A Lesser Light to Rule the Night
Hans Williams is capitalizing on a new genre of what I would call: cinematic-folk.
Strumming acoustic guitars and mandolins become fused with dramatic electric elements, dazzling synths and smooth production and capitalize on Williams’ niche within a more theatrical indie sound.
He has the richest, most tenacious voice on this list and is able to carry an emotional impact with nothing more than his rising, raspy vocals. Truly, his voice is the most significant and noticeable aspect of his music; one can feel the gravitas and the space his range is capable of filling.
Even as his voice remains the primary instrument in his harmonic arsenal, one might expect the instrumentals to lack in diversity or composition. However, this is far from the case. Rather than write simple folk songs, entire musical microcosms are examined and delineated— marking a divergence from typical bluegrass/Americana space one might expect an artist like Hans to occupy. Everything is interesting and electric combines with acoustic in a new and refreshing manner.
In a world where indie-pop music is increasingly dominated by indie-folk singer-songwriters, Hans Williams defiantly stands out from the crowd. The music is polished and bright while still retaining a raw emotional appeal. Catchy, punchy vocal hooks work symbiotically with reflective, acoustic licks.
He builds on the sound from 00s Indie-folk artists— Bon Iver’s larger-than-life production, The Decembrists’ bright vocals and Sufjan Stevens’ lyrical impact. He benefits from modern day production and still manages to create a sound that expounds on and evolves from his musical ancestors. The music is mesmerizing, I can’t recommend it enough.
Essential Listening: Skin, Willows
Personal Favorites: Georgia Walks, Skin
I didn’t have the time to add a lot of artists on here but I feel these artists represent of span of genres that will soon dominate the music scene and opted to include them specifically.
Music is constantly changing and I can’t wait to see where it goes next.
I wrote this for my new travel website: Chipspassport.com coming soon! Thought I would give a sneak peek.
Travel is incredibly personal. Some are ready– some remain untouched from its grasp, content to remain at home and live comfortably.
This, however, was not the way I wanted to go; I knew from a very young age I wanted to see the world.
When I was a child, each day felt like it was the same. The same dull routine that just continued to recycle and spin in a flat circle, leaving me wanting more.
It was not that I had a terrible childhood; rather, it just lacked in excitement and felt quite lonely, not helped by the fact I was an only child who moved schools constantly.
Senior year of high school is when the travel bug officially had me.
I distinctly remember the moment it triggered in me. It was after watching the TV show Master of None. For anyone who hasn’t seen it, I would recommend they go watch the first two seasons immediately, then come back to finish reading this.
The first season is great in its own right but the second is a masterpiece of filmmaking. With outright homages to classic Italian movies from the 40s-60s, it portrays Italy as though it were magic. From rolling hills to sharp, jagged mountains, from farmers markets to Aperol Spritzes in outside bodegas, it is a fantastical land of hazy pleasure and lush beauty.
My first sip of wine taken in Italy– it lived up to the hype
More than anything, it felt intensely romantic. I knew I had to find a way to remain there longer than just the average tourist. This idea is what originally hooked me. It made me realize there is untold beauty elsewhere besides just the United States and I had to get out there and find it.
So I made a promise to myself: when I was old enough and able to travel, I would live a life of adventure and animation— each day would be different and full of mystery and intrigue. No longer would I feel like the star of Groundhog Day. I had the power to change my fate and I had every intention of doing it.
In the meantime, I set to work charting a feasible plan of my future hopes and dream travel destinations and how to make it happen. It moved slowly, but my life gradually began to traverse along the path I created based on the sole aim of traveling.
In 2019, I had the luxury of going for my undergrad at the University of Florida and things finally began to click. I had enough scholarships and grants that, by senior year, I was able to take a year off from work to focus on school. In between classes I began to expand my adventures.
I took a “practice run” to Miami and other weekend destinations to see how well I could travel without the help of my parents. It turns out it was actually much easier— who would’ve guessed!
I was not reliant on their wishes and desires, we didn’t have to stay at a hotel with free breakfast in the morning and I could go to nice restaurants without fear of their impatience toward a 20 minute wait at the host stand.
Miami, Savannah, Jacksonville, Tallahassee, Tampa, Atlanta, Charleston, Orlando. I began flying through the biggest regional East Coast cities faster than I could save up for them.
Each month held new surprises and possibilities and I was flooded with a passion and drive to see more and more and more. It gave me an excitement that I hadn’t felt ever before and, of course, soon I began to crave even bigger trips.
I needed to get overseas; I had to see Italy and the rest of the Old World.
The Old World in Monterosso, Italy
Unfortunately for me, my borrowed time was soon to run out.
I was approaching my last semester as an Undergrad and would have to either get a real job again or continue into higher education. The money I had saved up was dwindling and I didn’t much enjoy the thought of taking out loans for a Master’s degree so I subconsciously understood my year of freedom was soon to be cut off.
All of my friends had received internships in their tenure at UF, a route I had chosen not to pursue and one, consequently, that left me without many job offers. I decided I wasn’t ready for a big-boy job, I had to find a way to make my international gap year become a reality.
Luckily for me, and unluckily for my mother, my dad of all people found the solution for me.
He sent me an ad on Facebook for a ski lodge in Bavaria, Germany that was looking to hire Americans.
This “ski lodge” was actually Edelweiss Lodge and Resort, a hotel run by the Department of Defense for military personnel or active duty members of the Armed Forces, staffed by 20-somethings who just wanted cheap lodging and good travel opportunities.
The actual picture my Dad sent that started it all
The deal, according to the ad, was a free flight and free lodging in return for a fifteen-month contract of work in a department of their choosing. I jokingly applied for it one day bored during class and was astonished to wake up to a call the very next morning from their HR director looking to set up an interview with me.
Half-asleep, voice cracking, my girlfriend still snoring next to me, I answered the call and confirmed a second interview in a few days at 7:00am. Germany is six hours ahead of East Coast time, making this the biggest hurdle a drunk college student had to face: waking up early.
Fast forward a few days later, the interview was very straightforward– the questions revolving around “do you have a passport” and “are you willing to work abroad”. Of course, my answers were yes across the board and, all things being equal, I was hired a week later.
The paperwork for DOD contract positions is insane and, luckily, I had another six months to complete it while I finished school and packed up my life. The timing was perfect and I graduated with my degree in Communications and was allowed a month to decompress before heading out. The rest is history.
Lounging in Campo Del Moro, Spain
Helpful Tips for You
My circumstances for traveling were very special, I was able to live long-term abroad and save up money while I plotted my next destination. I don’t expect everyone to be able to take this same route as it is a rarity to find opportunities like this abroad.
But for anyone looking to see the world, I recommend finding seasonal jobs or even “volunteer” hostel jobs that are willing to work with you in terms of paying for your work. It makes things a lot easier and a lot more permanent if a paycheck flows in while living in the country of your dreams.
That’s not to say volunteering sites like Worldpackers, WWOOF and Workaway aren’t a great tool as well, but I believe they only sustain travel for so long and can often be quite toxic based on my friends’ experiences.
I still believe however you choose to travel, it will be a rewarding experience regardless. If you feel that travel bug biting, the best thing you can do is listen to it and find a way to execute your plan.
By cutting down on clutter, avoiding excess spending and remaining goal-oriented toward travel, you will find it’s actually much easier to accomplish than some people make it seem.
Budget traveling is very attainable — even comfortable — these days and there is more than enough resources to help someone on their path to financial freedom and long-term travel.
While my blog will help with this, I still recommend listening to professionals speak about it so you will be better equipped when you are ready to take that first step out the door and into your new life.
Dave Ramsey and his podcast is a great place to start, even if the advice he gives is typically just logical, common sense.
Great advice for financial literacy– the first step toward permanent travel
“The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page”
St. Augustine
Even if you cannot or do not want to travel to another country, find ways to see something new around you— to live more dynamic and engaging lives. At worst, you spend money and don’t like it; at best, you find a new home.
If you feel that travel bug biting, listen to it and let it take you where it will. Have the courage to try something new, even if it’s just for a second
My life has been everything but what I expected it to be at this point. All the dreams I put on a shelf over the years silently sit, drooping morosely over me. I stare at them wistfully and, between glances, watch the minutes of time fleetingly pass beyond my nose.
I am still young, but it is the kind of youth that no longer offers as much leeway and grace toward deemed irresponsible behavior as before. When I act in a way that was passable merely a couple years ago, now I am met with scorn and contemptuous glances from my peers. I am 26 with have no definable career path; I have very little money with which to begin some fantastic journey and I am unmarried without kids.
Admittedly, for the dedicated reader, they will surmise that I never have really strived for most of these typical, traditional goals. My only true, real, firm loves in my life have been traveling, hiking, climbing, fitness, writing and music. I have other hobbies but these are goals and ideals that, insofar, I have dedicated 26 years of my life to their pursuit. I haven’t always done the best job but I have tried absolutely to continue to find a way to involve them in my life.
I think really I just do this to avoid responsibility. The heavy crown of stewardship and obligation is one to which I am very averse. Deep down, it has felt a bit like an escape mechanism; never having a real job, never looking to settle down with one person, never looking to stay put in one location for longer than a couple years— things that normal seeming adults are able to do effortlessly.
Lately, I have been trying to do some self reckoning. This year has brought with it intense, somewhat painful change that I was clearly not ready for and now I find myself confused and mired in lack of purpose. For 23 years, life was linear. Even at moments when I didn’t find much hope in the future, I still felt as though I were on the right track. Building, creating, striving for something better.
Perhaps it was just the educational complex that carried me forward but I felt as if each moment was leading toward my inevitable future and pregnant with the promise of change for the better. After graduating, my time abroad in Germany continued in this sense of direction. I had always wanted to go abroad and, of course, this was the next logical step. Self-doubt and uncertainty were yet to plague me as I stepped off the tarmac in Munich and I spent the next 22 months engrossed in a foreign, transient lifestyle to keep me constantly engaged and unconcerned with the premise of any next steps.
But suddenly I was back in America, walking through the Gainesville airport to a home that I no longer felt was my own. No plans made themselves available to me. I spent a year drifting from goal to goal. I tried another seasonal job but there was no love there. I tried a master’s program but UF somehow managed to suck the joy out of that with their application process. Suddenly, 9 months had gone by since my departure from Germany and I felt myself more confused than ever in my entire life. I applied for every marketing/communication job under the sun but was met with an obstinate silence from any and all employers, another door closed in my face.
It seemed all opportunity had slipped from my fingers. Friends from college had professional jobs and were making their bones in corporate America, friends from Germany who stayed when I left found housing on the economy and permanent jobs on base, allowing them a new, enduring life as an expatriate. And yet, there I was. A dead-end job, worthless Bachelor’s degree and no clear path.
I seemed to find a promising path in Nashville, arriving soon after New Years in 2023 and buckling down to a profitable life in Construction. I went back to school for a bit before coming to my senses and comprehending I was simply kicking the can down the road and unnecessarily delaying my future by, once more, hiding in the comfort and delusion of education. I was 25 and already had a Bachelor’s degree, this was a lateral move that would likely not really be useful so I simply got a job in the industry and took the risk. Once again, not for me.
So now, we come to the present moment. I have fallen back on bartending to finance my search for a dedicated future. In the meantime, I have realized that one thing for which I have potential is writing, and thus have begun to narrow my field for jobs or even simply mentors in this industry. While, to me, writing is an intensely personal and intrinsically creative exercise that cannot be taught, I believe some of the finer aspects may be elevated such as writing stronger dialogue or creating more narratively-focused sentences and I now only seek the opportunity to learn more about this skill.
Travel writing was always a dream job of mine growing up; I idolized authors such as Rolf Potts, Peter Matthiessen and, of course, the great Ralph Waldo Emerson. They were a big inspiration and informed my love for travel and the minimalist attitude by which I try to abide. I realized that, in theory, I could write just as well as them if I truly applied myself and so have begun by telling stories of my travels abroad. While they are usually very simple and arcane, it has been indispensable practice for me and highlighted my shortcomings as a creative person.
I feel as though it will one day reconcile my goals of living as an expatriate and perpetual travel with personal ownership and imaginativeness.I have had great trouble deciding which avenue I want to pursue in my life because I feel as though I’m capable of so much and, as a result, stand frozen in time.
Life is made from the ‘in-between’ that occurs while we wait for moments that never come; it wasn’t until lately that I feel I’ve truly comprehended this statement.
I have sat immobilized for two and a half years, waiting for a return to form of linearity and, as a result, have plucked myself from the shifting waves of time; a detached traveler treading water among the distant moors oblivious to the swelling, swirling rip current silently governing the tides. I have been made unhappy due to my own indecision, yet sit and wait for a guiding force or extenuating event to take the control out of my hands and tell me where to go. And, obviously, it’s never going to come. I am to blame for my aversion to the present and consequences thereof.
I have not been present-minded for two years as I have waited for moments that never come. Life need not be linear and each moment that I spend waiting for the veneer of that superintending feeling to return is a moment wasted that shall never return. My future lies in my hands and I must begin to act it rather than continue to hope I will be saved by some great force or action.
Do we need a narrative through-line to keep us motivated? Do we create it or is it given?
With all the metamorphosis and change I have faced in the last two years, I am obviously gearing up for something great. I have survived the toughest challenges and lack of purpose, yet still remain here stronger than anytime previous in my life.
A quiet confidence seeps into my being and allows me to conduct myself with poise and strength while seeking new challenges without fear or trepidation and I feel maybe this has been my purpose for the previous difficult seasons. I must be here for a reason. I put myself here for a reason, whether I realized it or not.
Chipper Dreher 